Time to Come Home to Myself

I've been gone a long long time..it was August, when I last posted here, or even looked at it. I've been in a sort of functional fugue state..a post traumatic stress period...life became so invaded, so intruded, so totally empty of any protection or security, lost in the unfamiliar, chaotic, repulsive and threatened world of a terrible contractor experience..I lived in 2 rooms of my home..all that I have was displaced, my bathrooms gone, my clothing and daily items moved, bagged, boxed or lost...strange day laborers in my bedroom and my one bathroom there each day while I was forced to be at work, dust, filth permeated every inch of my house, items were taken, work was shoddy and sporadic, and I was threatened by a bullying owner for more and more money throughout, even though I had naively signed the insurance checks over to him before the "job" started...struggling all hot summer to live and maintain myself in the unfamiliar, unsafe world my home had become..and taking a grandson into live with me at the same time...it was the the most difficult situation I have faced in a long time...I was Scarlet OHara, my oh my how I had always identified with her spirit and survival instincts...I became Scarlet..wearing my drapes as a proverbial gown, with dignity and silent fears, terror of financial collapse, my home a disaster zone...I was on the ground as she was...it was all I had left...and I am JUST waking up..they aren't done, but I needed to stand up to the cursing threatening contractor on more than one occasion...they thought they had a foolish trusting patsy in me...but no, I have begun to reclaim my strength to stand up for the shabby work and unacceptable treatment, record and produce the facts (I'm a very wise documenter of details) and get them done AND OUT OF HERE FOR GOOD...then I will inform my insurance company of the tactics of the "highly recommended" (by the insurance adjuster) contractor....I really could write a book...I can finally breathe and bathe...nothing is perfect, but sometimes and perhaps better, is that the pain will end, and I can come HOME...and be at home in me.....