A Time Share

Time Shared….Saturday, April 4, 2009
Does anyone, except the very young and the very old, feel the speed of passing time, and the relentlessness of its pace? The young try to hurry and hasten it, elders seek to pause, rewind, or still the page-turning and closure…. of episodes, scenes, chapters, even the whole book of their time, their life stories…Tritely said, not unique, and understood as experienced, each only to thine own self be it known ..truly.

Time shared, or not, rapaciously and relentlessly carries away the breathtakingly precious moments, the holy-jumping-jesus-knock-my-head-off-super-howdy-do times.... right along with the sadly and inattentively, carelessly, wasted chunks and snippets of too many of the days already spent...
Well, I do...I really do, feel it, know it...an acute penetrating sense of wanting to be alive, awake, aware, and honorable to myself, and to the Giver of the Time Gift. It has gripped me…first tapping gently, slowly..... and then with more force....saying, “do you really want to waste this moment, do you really want to postpone doing that, don't you want to take the moment now to say (or not say) this?”

I don't know exactly when it began to whisper into my often cluttered day and mind... prodding me to slow down.... to pause, to hesitate...... and perhaps take another path, another look, make another choice...it caught my attention. I knew without understanding, that it was now Time, my Time........ to pay attention to the page-turning and passage of missed moments and choices.
.......Sometimes I believe it was inextricably linked to the little eyes and fuzzy heads of my sweet baby grandsons...their little eyes clicked within me...yes, clicked.....they seemed to KNOW me, they each seemed to have the key to me, and to my Time, the links to my soul that none before had held...their precious, unexpectedly unconditional love, and acceptance of me as the flawed and imperfect person I am...now as their loving and devoted Grandma...... it was hugely transforming......it made me sing silly things, do anything, and everything, plan and not plan the freeing of my self and my Time on their behalf...
...... I felt time now as never before, I now could almost see it moving around me and in me ...as they grow, Time taps me into a new acute AWARENESS, urgency...do it now, say it now, touch, feel it, give, in each moment your best, your whole heart...and it is wonderful, but wistful to me, for they do not seem to see or feel it, nor do they experience it as I do...
......They came to get me, to turn me toward the truth and precious moments of life...an answer to years of uncertainty was now evident to me in their eyes, their smiles, their hugs, their wonderful acceptance of their Grandma...they call me Captain Fun...and you know, for this Time, maybe the first Time, or a long Time, it's great!
.......Not one minute of Time is lost because my hair isn't neat, or my clothes aren't perfect, not a minute is wasted - not one. When they say "Grandma, you're the bestest one in the whole wide world"...I am, I really am....and Time seems to grant me a tiny reprieve, a Grandma’s pause, a Grandma’s gift of Time…Time Shares….it is yielding it's very finest moments.. I had to wait, and I had to be patient, and honor the life I have, but wow, is it exceeding all I thought I knew about Time...I’m being shown, and led, by two very precious little boys..my Sam and Kieran...They just came from the place I am heading towards, and God sent them to help me find Time, Time to Share….Time to find the Way.